A Very Special Internet Date

Posted on October 1, 2003

Cathryn wrote: I should have known that it foretold an inauspicious beginning when he told me he would wear an orange polo shirt for our first date. True that we met on the internet, yet we both had seen each other's picture. However, I joked that I would wear a flower in my hair. On the way out of the house to meet him, I spied an artificial flower so I grabbed it and stuck it behind my ear, figuring that it would be a good icebreaker. We met at a deli for lunch. As I parked, I saw a man waiting outside, dressed in a orange polo shirt. I had kind of a long walk from the car, but was the only person there. Polo guy was looking my way, and I approached with a big smile on my face, my hand extended, and the price tag from the flower (unfortunately I had not noticed that it was still attached) dangling alluringly over my ear. He looked right through me until I planted myself in front of him. Then he finally noticed me, said, "Oh, you must be Cathryn," and turned, walking into the restaurant ahead of me. I grabbed the door before it slammed, and then scurried in front of him as the waiter led us to a table. This deli serves bread immediately and stacks the bread plates on the table. Polo guy took a roll, and put in on top of all the plates, which he pulled over to him. Suddenly there was a small explosion of cream! "Oh," said polo guy as he wiped white rivlets off his chin, "I thought it was the butter." I, of course, had no plate, nor had he offered the rolls. Nor did I want to eat once I glanced at him again. I watched in an agony of disbelief to see his mouth open wide with each chew, and the mashed roll, plain to see, lolling on his tongue. Occasionally a bit would drop out of his mouth. It was revolting and yet fascinating. In a few minutes the waiter came by for our order. Polo guy wanted a "super sized soup." Upon hearing that they no longer served that size he just stared into space. For a long time. Just staring into the air. Not moving or blinking. It was like he couldn't accept the disappointment of not having a really big soup bowl filled with mushroom barley soup. When the waiter finally broke in and suggested two large bowls of soup, Polo snapped out of his misery and agreed, and I ordered eggs and toast. Polo's soup was soon there, and he showed impeccable manners in asking me if I minded if he started without me. Fine, I said. Then I watched him eat soup! Can you imagine? He opened his mouth so wide that bits of soup came dribbling out. At one point there was a thin stream that poured back into the bowl. It was so horrible. I was really happy that my food was not there yet. I was afraid it would get splashed by the recycled soup. When my eggs came I moved them out of harms' way and nibbled at them. Meanwhile Polo was telling me about his encounters with various famous people. Are you surprised to hear that he talks with his mouth full of food? It soon was over, though. Just a second cup of coffee and we were on our separate ways! I did believe Polo's stories about the famous people because he was dressed in (besides the orange polo shirt) big, thick gold jewelry. I also saw him drive away in an enormous green Jaguar. And to think, if I had played my cards better, all this might have been mine!

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